pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
