Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
