I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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