wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
