Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
