how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
