booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
