I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
