I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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