Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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