We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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