Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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