the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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