oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
