you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The adults are the big ones right?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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