She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
