So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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