No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
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