So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I need to align my fucking chakras
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
