I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
