So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
