Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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