is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
