brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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