My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
