The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
