Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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