i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
