I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
