cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
