i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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