i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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