He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
