I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
