Don't you send me to vm
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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