i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
