I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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