I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
