Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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