What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
