On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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