did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
