the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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