i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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