Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
