Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
