dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
