You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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