So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
