You work out of a Hotel?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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