Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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