just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
