I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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