Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
