you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
